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Why You Should Not Feel Guilty About Being Selfish

Let me guess.

You’re a giver. You care enough to put others first when they are in need.

You try to give with joy. It says in the Bible, “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Corinthians 9:7)

But let me ask you this…

Are you tired all the time? Do you feel overworked? Why don’t you have enough time to recharge yourself at the end of the day?

Is it because your giving is not reciprocated? Be honest. Do you feel resentment sometimes because you feel taken advantage of?

The Bible also says that as you give you will receive. It says, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Luke 6:38)

You’re a giver, so why aren’t you receiving in good measure?

What are you missing?

Selfishness.

It’s an ugly word, selfishness. But what if we re-define what selfishness is?

Selfishness can mean two different things. One meaning is that you’re unkind and inconsiderate of others. The other is that you take responsibility for getting your personal needs met. Also, you get your emotional and physical needs met. The right kind of selfishness can help you create more time. It can reduce your workloads and help you have a better sense of well-being. You can have this while still being the giver that you are.

Take a look at these four ways of becoming the good kind of selfish:

Take care of your own business before helping someone else with theirs. Taking care of your business means taking care of yourself.

Being selfish allows you to be good to others because you were first able to be good to yourself.

Be selfish enough to manage yourself, meaning take care of all your health needs yourself. This is called self-care. Proponents of self-care like to point out that we must take care of ourselves first. If we don’t, we will not be well enough to help and take care of others.

Be in top form for doing whatever you want to spend energy on. This may be taking care of your kids, or excelling at your job, or maintaining great relationships.

When you take care of yourself first, you show up as a healthy, grounded person in life.

Spend time learning about yourself and developing your talents. If you have a well-developed sense of who you are, what you enjoy and the ability to communicate this to others, you’ll be a happier person.

Say no to things that aren’t enriching or interesting to you. This will help you learn to identify and develop your areas of unique talent. Those areas are where you have the most to contribute to others and the world around you anyway.

The more you embrace your worth and identity through self-discovery, the easier it will be to say ‘no’ when needed and ‘yes’ when prompted. People will have a harder time manipulating or taking advantage of you.

Also, selfish people set boundaries. They know where they end and the other person begins.

Come out of any illusions about who you are by becoming more self-aware.

Being selfish helps you with this. When you’re able to focus within, you’re much more authentic and much happier.

Being selfish and aware keeps you off “autopilot.” In the field of psychology, the concept of autopilot refers to when you go about your business without the cognitive awareness of self or choice.

In autopilot, you can spend years living a life without a particular direction beyond getting through each day or making enough money to pay your basic bills. But when you focus on you and giving yourself what you need, you are less likely to “wake up” one day and feel like you’ve wasted or sacrificed your time.

Be aware of your body. Your body knows. It feels free and at ease when you’re making choices that honor your health and happiness. The tension starts to melt. Your stomach, chest, jaw, and throat soften. Your breath comes easier and deeper.

When you are self-aware, you begin to show up in the world more authentically. This will help bring in your higher Self, which is your best Self. Your light will be no longer hidden behind tension, resentment, and frustration.

Do you want to be a positive example for other women in your life?

If you spend any time around young girls, model the behavior of valuing yourself. Avoiding unintentionally playing the martyr can make a big difference.

You may remember a 20/20 interview in 2011 with Michelle Obama. In the interview, she told Barbara Walters, “One of the things that I want to model for my girls is investing in themselves as much as they invest in others.”

Studies have shown that acting in your own self-interest may give you an advantage in leadership roles. There is often a higher purpose to be a great leader–taking care of other people. But if you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t care for others. Being selfish is critical.

Value yourself enough to put living a fulfilling, balanced life at the top of your priorities. You will set yourself up to spend more time feeling good and confident. You will also spend less time feeling burnt out and incapable of effective leadership.

Putting yourself first is hard to do at all times. But try to be selfish in a way that leads you to your best self.

It’s being a cheerful giver that makes you receive back in good measure.

You can not be a cheerful giver if you don’t give to yourself first. Giving to yourself first will bring out your best. Then you can give your best to those that need you. You can do this without being tired, overworked or having secret resentment.

Give good selfishness an honest try. Your mind will thank you, your body will thank you and your soul will thank you. And so will the ones you love.

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