The Message Girls and Young Women Need to Hear About Aging

How can women feel good about aging into their future self if we perpetuate negative narratives?

In her book The Genius of Women: From Overlooked to Changing the World, which highlights the achievements of women who have long been ignored, undermined, and overlooked, author Janice Kaplan wonders what the world would be like if women had the same early support and encouragement in developing their potential as men have. What would the rest of their life look like, and how would their fulfilled potential benefit society?

We’ll never know, but we can imagine. Many women have experienced being ignored, undermined, overlooked.

It would be easy to point the finger at men, but it’s not all men’s fault. “[W]omen buy into the system,” Kaplan writes. “We assume the male-dominated water in which we are swimming is the only possible environment, so we don’t allow ourselves to jump out and sample fresh air. We undermine our own achievements and don’t expect to do as well as men. We scare ourselves away from success long before anyone else sends us away.”

We also “buy into the system” about aging as a woman — we become invisible, asexual, unattractive, undesirable. You know the stereotypes.

What if things were different? What if girls grew up in a world that didn’t place such an emphasis on their youth and beauty; that encouraged and supported them to believe that they are complete on their own, without the need for validation from others; that didn’t promote finding romantic love, especially if it seemed like a way to be “taken care of,” over developing and nurturing non-romantic friendships across ages, races, beliefs, genders; that equipped them with knowledge for financial success, beyond just paying them what they’re worth; that didn’t set them on a path to buy into the ageist, sexist system that hurts them throughout their lives, including their future selves; that stopped giving men permission to write the narratives about women’s lives?

Is it a tall order? Perhaps. Can we, as eldresses, as actor Frances McDormand would like to be known as she ages, help make that happen? Perhaps. We can certainly try.

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